Reno 911!—the real reason Vegas hates Reno

Jul 18th, 2008 by crazee-b.

LAS VEGAS—In what came as a surprise to the world’s most respected Nobel Peace Prize winners, University of Nevada, Las Vegas researchers released a study today that definitely proves a phenomenon that, until now, was a mystery.

The scientists, at a briefing held on one of the campus’s dozens of lush, green lawns, announced that they had discovered the real reason Las Vegas residents hate–with an undeniable passion–the city of Reno.

“What it comes down to is that, after years of extensive research and highly sophisticated data analysis, Las Vegans hate Renoites because Reno has a true reality TV show, and Las Vegas does not,” said Sarah Boomba-Marshall, a full professor of biochemistry, molecular biology, art history and English literature. “Since Comedy Central began airing Reno 911, a true-life docudrama about Reno’s police forces and real crime on the streets of Reno, Las Vegans slowly began to seethe at the lack of mainstream recognition, causing undue stress and increased incidences of heart-related deaths in Southern Nevada.

“It’s becoming an epidemic,” she added.

Boomba-Marshall said that campus researchers were immediately forwarding their study, published today the journal Nature, to state leaders in the hopes that they could petition Congress to immediately provide funding for a Las Vegas reality show similar to Reno 911.

“The best we’ve come up with to date the opening of The Pink Taco,” Boomba-Marshall said. “That’s hardly redeeming of the true qualities of our community.”